The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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