I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
