i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize