Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
