you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
