Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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