i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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