I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
