Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
