God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
