Me too!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
