The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
