Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
