Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
