We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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