what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
