He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
