Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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