Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
