Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
