We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
