I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
