I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize