So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
