Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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