is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So squirting runs in the family.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
