i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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