These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
