Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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