I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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