yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
