I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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