Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
