She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
