I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
