Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
