We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she peed on how many people?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
