I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
