based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
