Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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