I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
