I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
