I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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