Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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