Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
