Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The Olympian is in my bed
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
