yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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