just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
