I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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