I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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