well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
