After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
