Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
