It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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