Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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