I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
