it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
