It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
