This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
