How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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