btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize