Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
