Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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