Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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