do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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