addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
