I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
