Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You left your phone here
Wait...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
