4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
As shirtless as possible
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
